What Support Do You Need As A Caregiver?

Ms. Rain was a kindergarten teacher. During the school year her days were busy with caring for 45-60 five year old boys and girls, eager to learn and share all their new discoveries.

After her eight - nine hour school day Ms. Rains would go home to be the caregiver for her mother and father. Her mother was dieing from cancer. Her father had complications from diabetes. Her father would care for her mother as best he could during the day, but when Ms. Rain got home and on weekends her second job became care giving for her ill parents.

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Janice was in her 50s when she met Daniel. He was a charming old cowboy that treated her like a lady. Eventually he asked her to marry him. They planned for many years together and eventually to grow old.

But before they could get married, Daniel was diagnosed with a recurrence of prostate cancer. In order to receive benefits at his current rate, Janice and Daniel could not get married. Then Daniel decided not to complete treatment. He didn't want to finish his last few days with Janice sick, thin and lifeless. Janice took leave from work to stay home and care for Daniel. Eventually hospice was ordered and hospice nurses would be coming to their home, to Janice's distress. Especially one day when their regular nurse did not show and a replacement was sent. Janice was not about to leave her house and her love alone with a complete stranger. She canceled all her appointments for that day after throwing the nurse out.

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For 54 years, Jim and Louise had spent their life together: building a home, raising a family and recently, taking trips south during the winter. It was on one of these trips that Louise became very sick; they needed to come home early. She saw her doctor and was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer.

Jim had a difficult time caring for Louise at home. He had a farm to take care of, it was their livelihood. Jim was forced to put Louise into a nursing home. He visited her every day, either at lunch or dinner time to make sure she was eating something. He would stay and hold her hand or read to her. When he left he always felt guilty; that he wasn't doing the right thing for her. A week before she died, Jim brought her home and set her up on the couch where she was most comfortable.

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What do these three stories have in common? Besides being true (the names were changed for privacy), they reflect the reality caregivers, especially caregivers of family members, are faced with every day.

Isolation, exhaustion, frustration, fear, depression, guilt - these are just a few of the common feelings that caregivers have. Many times the care givers become ill during the time they are providing care or shortly after they are done serving as a care giver.

It is Wellness House's desire to not only provide support programs for the patient, but to provide support for the caregiver, family and friends, as well.

So we are asking you - the care giver - what do you need? What can we provide to you that will help you during your time of providing care for a loved one? What about after? What are your needs following the end of your time as a caregiver?

Please share your thoughts with us. Your input would be greatly appreciated.

I'm Just the Pass Through

Good evening. This is Nan.

Nan McCann, Executive Director of Wellness House.

Tonight I feel the need to take over the blog and share with you a story; something really moving that I had the honor of being a part of today.

I delivered a check to a very appreciative cancer survivor from total strangers.

The Story:

A couple of weeks ago, a board member approached me about a local fruit packing warehouse where the employees wanted to do something to benefit a cancer patient. They were planning to make & sell tamales with the proceeds to help a cancer patient who needed something like a refrigerator, snow tires, or something else significant and expensive. They didn't want the money to go to Wellness House (which I was fine with). They wanted to help one specific person.

It took me a few minutes to think of someone. There were a number of individuals I thought would benefit but I didn't know exactly what they might need.

Then I remembered "The One." She was perfect. She is a very young cancer survivor who is continuing to fight her cancer after multiple surgeries and treatments. She is unable to work, had come back to town for a visit, yet ended up staying and starting treatment again. She had recently called me looking for some possible legal help because of issues with her current relationship. She was overwhelmed by all aspects of her life.

She was "The One."

The board member was excited to have a name, and someone who would really appreciate and deserved the assistance.

She went back to the fruit packing warehouse. She was supposed to find out how much the tamales were. I wanted to buy some. She didn't get back to me.

I had pretty much forgotten all about it.

Today, the board member came by the office. We chit chatted and then I asked her "So, why are you here? How can we help you?"

She pulled out an envelope. In it a very impressive check made out to "The One." I asked her - "This is from tamale sales? You never called me so I could order some."

"I know, but when I called the warehouse Saturday, when they were making them, I was told they were completely sold out. They had hoped the check would be more though."

More? I have to wonder how many tamales they made and how much they cost. Both numbers had to be pretty impressive.

We were all excited to give "The One" her check, so I called her right away and asked her to come to the office; that I had a present for her.

She said she couldn't. She was having a really rough day and could hardly move. She didn't even want to get out of bed.

I had to get this to her. Now more then ever. I asked her if I could bring the present to her. She gave me her address and directions.

Off I went.

Needless to say she was shocked and thrilled. She could not believe complete strangers wanted to help someone like her. She was amazed at the generosity. It made her think back to a time when she had helped a complete stranger. Maybe it was karma.

Whatever it was - a sign or answer to a prayer - it gave her so much more then just the dollar amount. It gave her HOPE.

Hope that leads to strength and courage; to not give up when the pain is at a '10' and your world is falling apart. There is someone out there who cares. Cares for a stranger. Cares enough to make a heck of a lot of tamales.

"The One" now wants to go to the warehouse. She wants to personally thank the employees who gave her hope.

I get to drive her. Once again I will be the pass through.

The first time I delivered such a wonderful gift to someone who really needed it in so many ways.

The next time as the transportation of the appreciation.

I love our work.

- N.